Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
