PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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