He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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