The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
and she was petting her beer can
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
