Don't make out with my wife yet
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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