forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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