Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
