just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
