Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish you could order shots online.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
