So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
