if i can run in heels then i can drive
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
