is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
