dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize