when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
