hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
