note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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