how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
