i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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