I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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