why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Michael Bay diarrhea
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
