I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
