i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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