your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
