Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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