census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
