If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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