is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
