I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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