Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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