He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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