I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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