does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
