I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
