I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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