I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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