I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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