so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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