god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
