id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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