i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
