I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
