Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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