my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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