I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Are we still banned from the library?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
