Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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