Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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