he wants to bone in the snuggie
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
