whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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