Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Porn is love you can see.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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