I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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