I just threw up on my dentist
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
