he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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