stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
