do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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