Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
