I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
