Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
