Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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