Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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