On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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