Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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