And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
