idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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