Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize