hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
