Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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