also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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