Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
